The Underground Make Up Artist walks in the tube looking like Susan Boyle and walks out looking like Kate Moss. She is a businesswoman and knows how to take advantage of her long commuting time to fix a few flaws on herself. She is able to keep her hand steady through the whole journey without messing up her eye line and her hair falls mysteriously perfect when she undo the hair tie. By the way, those stains in your trousers that you don’t know where they come from are made by her make up falling apart when there are sudden stops. But hey, she is looking gorgeous in the office!
The Men Wall is a phenomenon that happens on London’s public transport… and probably all around the globe. It is normally suffered by those shorter than everybody around them at that moment and is especially dangerous when three very tall people turn their back to that person and start squeezing the individual. Do not think bad of them, they don’t even notice him. The poor shorter than average person will try to reach desperately for anything to grip and keep a bit of his humanity and pride but all efforts will be in vain. He will probably even end up falling in the next sudden stop.
Naomi Campbell represents London in its core: multicultural, groundbreaking, inspirational and extremely sexy. Probably the most important model of the 90’s, she walked the streets of London for later step hard on every catwalk around the world, breaking rules and patterns and fighting for equality and fairness. Like all groundbreaking people, she was sometimes controversial, but smart enough to learn and grow and set example for generations to come. That is why we love Naomi in the London Zoo! Welcome!
The Gym Junkie enjoys indoor exercise and he only feeds with liquid protein that he hunts online. He can’t find satisfaction from average exercise, he needs to take his workouts to the extreme with impossible positions and uses of the machines. If you use the exercise bike for a bit of warming up, he will lift it to work out his arms, benches are not to lie down but for jumping and the weights are perfect hanging around his body while he runs on the treadmill. You will just stare at him feeling insecure and decide that maybe today wasn’t the best day to start your new healthy life.
The Hangover Londoner appears mostly on Saturday and Sunday noon and they are easy to spot in the off license in the corner of your street. They definitely had a great night, but the weekends mornings aren’t their best friend. Hopefully that big breakfast they look to be planning is going to wake them up so they can go and enjoy the rest of their weekend on the sofa trying to recover while they swear that “never again” and that they are “getting old for this”, probably as old as the jumper they are wearing and that has been with them since they moved to London to find a future. I don’t know about their future, but their present is close to an Ibuprofen box and a bottle of water. Ohhh, the happy days!
The Hat Girls develop a strange condition in one of their arms that gets very stiff and in an uncomfortable 45 angle, which gives them the capacity to carry a bag for the whole day without pain. They love to walk around in expensive department stores while they take mental notes. Later they go to ZARA and buy the cheap copies of the designer clothes they aspire to afford one day. They enjoy walking around with other Hat Girls and immerse together into deep OMGs conversations, although sometimes they like to also get silly and LOL to absolutely everything (do not walk around them when they are in this mood or you might get hurt). Often they bathe and dress their male companionship and take them with them so they can throw hints at them about what they want next Christmas. The Hat Girls were born the day some stylist had the great idea of putting together a hat and a long oversize coat on a magazine editorial.
The London Underground Driver is a very fortunate species, although they don’t enjoy the sympathy of the rest of London’s fauna. They earn around £50K a year, work 36 hours per week, and enjoy 43 days of holidays. Despite of this, they feel the need to complain and go on strike every few weeks while the rest of Londoners struggle to get to work to our average £25K a year, 40+ hours per week, and 22 days of holidays. They are also responsible for London’s lack of night underground service and the increase of mice in the underground (although this is not yet proven). Some people think they are actually an urban legend as nobody really has met an Underground Driver… the truth is that they pretend to work at Pret to avoid the haters.
The bearded man celebrates movember all year around, and that is why I dedicate the first post of November to him. The bearded man is an amicable species, although he tries to pull off that rough look. He wants you to think the winter hat is a style statement, but he knows you know he just can’t be bother to do his hair further than the front in the morning… And that is why you will see him with hat in December, April or August. His age is a mystery, as well as what he is carrying in his rucksack and where he works. Your only wish is that he is not the chef in the restaurant you had dinner the night before.
Prostate and testicular cancer are not a joke, that is why we must check and prevent future problems. Let’s raise awareness. More at https://uk.movember.com/
The Essex Posh Family are just lovely. Strange pigmentation happen in their skin, but that is the way they like it. Some people say it is the excess of carrot and orange juice, but rumor has it that the solar tanning business in Essex is just glowing. In any case, it seem to affect just to the female members, although there are male cases too. This particular species of the London Zoo has even their own TV show, as they are quite popular and a role model for the new generations. The Beckhams are the DREAM, and they will work hard on their skills to get it. You can mostly find them around Oxford Circus and shopping malls doing some spending with all the good stuff on, although the young members are night animals. Keep you eyes open, they are definitely a good catch!
The Androgynous Asian Couple are a classic from London new millennium. Are they two boys? Two girls? A boy and a girl? Are they actually not boys or girls but woman and man? And what is with Givenchy, Chanel, MCM, PRADA and all that? Do they think the same when they look at us? So many questions, but in any case, we love seeing them around!